Do Good

One thing running has taught me is to forgive my body. My body wants to do many things that my mind does not envision, and sometimes when my mind envisions it, my body decides it will not yield to the directive.

Yesterday I ran 11.5 miles. I wanted to run an even 12, but I was 2-hours late for a commitment with my 10-year-old. As it does for many things in my life, guilt kept me from the final half mile. My body wanted to go more and my mind did not.

Today I rode 75-miles on my road bike. It was a grueling ride into the wind on the way out. With 20 miles to go I broke away from my riding group and took my own path. I pushed my body beyond its limits. My mind wanted what my body perhaps did not.

I finished the ride and spent the remainder of the day forgiving my body.

I recall discussing the body/mind dynamic with Jon, a former Ironman triathlete, and the best trial litigator whom I have known, not to mention a former State Supreme Court Justice. He was 18-years my senior. He was my mentor and my friend.

Jon told me that the body will control the mind if you allow it to, and that the mind can never control the body fully. He believed that life was a balance between all things, and that harmonious mind/body balance was the goal of any good life.

Jon shared with me tales of his younger days, when (he claims) he was hard drinking. I believed that only when I saw a certain look in his blue eyes. He said he had also been a smoker for years, but I never saw him light up. I knew the reformed Jon, evidently.

Jon saw Buddha in Christ and visa versa. He sprinkled his theology into our discussions. I didn't mind because I was in the presence of a great man. I say "great man" because he was an ordinary man who did extraordinary things.

I cannot get the image of him sitting across from me at his desk (as we often did), on a bright sunny day. His entire office walls were window, from ground up to ceiling and the wall sloped so as to make a window ceiling. He told me then that the key to balance is forgiveness. He discussed training for his Ironman and explained that there were many days when he just needed to forgive his body for not being the body that he pushed it to be.

Jon discussed the need for balance in training, and I did not realize then that he was also speaking about life in a metaphoric sense.

He was candid and kind and he taught me more about life than anything else.

I spoke to Jon my last time, two years from tomorrow's date. He died 4 days later of liver cancer, on September 6, 2005. Our last conversation was, again, about being gentle to oneself. While in a haze from the pain medicine, Jon spoke so gently and kindly to me about my future. The last thing he said to me was "do good."

Immediately after I spoke to him, I knew that I had just had my last words with Jon---that he had just said good-bye to me in his way.

Now a runner myself, in life and otherwise, I understand more of what Jon was trying to impart.

I will take his words with me on tomorrow's 22-mile run. It is Sunday long-run day. I think Jon would be happy that I will forgive my body tomorrow, and the next day and the next. He understood the balance between forgiving oneself and doing good.

I imagine that Jon might also be pleased that I am running my longest run.